Sporadic update

As I sit down to update, there's a wave of depression sadness that hits me.  I think it's all the stress/anxiety/struggle I've had recently.  I just feel very defeated and stuck. I know this feeling will pass but I hate when they hit....so I try to focus on things I do have control over.

I just [reluctantly] put in my notice at the Emergency Clinic that I work at.  School starts next month (ahh!) and I just can't do 2 jobs, school and working on me.  I know it is for the best- I may even be able to go back at some point.  This time being a technician :D

Since I am starting to work on my priorities (i.e. school over 2 jobs, working out over focusing on work), I am already starting to hit resistance again.  I went through this the first time I focused on me.  I thought that since they saw that I lost weight and was doing good that I wouldn't encounter it during the second round.  Boy was I WRONG.
The only person I have on my side (in my house) is my sister and even she isn't 100%.  No one can see why I spend so much on gyms/trainers/etc.  It's hard to explain....sometimes.  I am not an uber motivated person.  So when I find a place or person that motivates me/gets me excited to go I cling to that.  They usually understand why I'm putting myself first and focusing on me.  I am 31 years old and I have had way more things in my life that have affected by body then I should have.  Which I am fine with but given that I am getting older and my calling in life is very physically demanding-  I need to get myself back in check.  My job was much easier when I was much more fit.

In that voice- I am sad to say I will be cancelling my OrangeTheory membership.  As much as I do love it- it doesn't challenge me the way I like.  I like lifting weights, being physically challenged but not just in the generic cardio sense (treadmills).  I have gotten myself a Groupon for Title Boxing.  They are a gym that does boxing & kickboxing, as well as personal training with weights.  I am every excited and nervous.  I am not in the shape I used to be, but I know this will kick my butt and I will love it.  The Groupon I acquired gets me wraps and gloves (YAY!).  A friend of mine goes there and swears by it.  I'm just excited because I love to hit things. ;)
I did 1 or 2 sessions of boxing WAY back when I very first had a personal trainer.  It was so much fun...my whole body was sore and the time flew by.  I just need something that gets me excited.  I am going to sign up for my first class either next Wednesday or next weekend. I will make a note in my phone to update with how that goes.  :)

I'm ready for the inside me to match the outside me.

I have been done pretty good if I do say so myself in the area of tracking food, and I have definitely increased my water in take.  I will be taking a few more baby steps this weekend to be even more prepared then I have in the past.  I am down half a pound.  Not a tremendous drop but a drop none-the-less.  I really need to get moving...read the above, that will be fixed soon enough. :D

The love of my life...my Wiggle-Butt gave me quite a scare this weekend.  I have been watching his liver levels for quite some time.  The boy does have quite an array of issues and recently I've had to increase meds that do affect the liver.  This time we pulled his blood and once we spun it down to be sent to the lab, his serum looked yellow.  Now for those of you not in the animal field, or have any friends/family in there- yellow serum is a very strong indication of liver failure/issues.
So I spent Friday night....ok we're all friends here, I spent my weekend curled up, loving on my boy and some tears were shed.  Come Monday, results are 100% perfect.  In fact the boy has never had more perfect levels.  I don't know how it happened but I'm definitely not going to argue.

I get nervous when it comes to my boy.  He's now 7 (will be 8 in Dec), and is technically geriatric. :'(  My other sheepie I had growing up had to leave me at the age of 9 [his age].  He had a spinal tumor.  Now my Wiggle-Butt doesn't have a tumor but he's got a myriad of other issues- including degenerative joint disease, hip dysplasia, degenerative disc disease, spondylosis.  So more than likely his hips/back will be his undoing.  Anywho- I get nervous because I'd like this one to get to double digits.  Yes, I am an over worrier....any wonder I am in the field I'm in.

Riley | aka Wiggle-Butt |

Animals are my life.  I have also grown to accept that not everyone is like me, and I will be met with resistance.  I just never thought it'd be my family- who is supposed to support me. Yes, I am weird and following my happiness to work with animals- regardless of what my paycheck will be.  As much as I'd love to get a job I don't totally love and probably more financially stable, it's not in my cards.  I am at my best with animals.

I do wonder what it's like when you are actually surrounded by people who feel the way you do about your job/career.  The only job I've found that 100% in is at my Emergency Clinic.

Do you have a job that you love and no one in your circle gets it?  Or are you surrounded by people who get it and encourage you to go and excel?

My birth month has arrived!

Here's a quickie just to keep my rhythm.  We are in October....October the month of my birth...we are on October 6th- this gives me 24 days to lose 15#.  I need to get my butt in gear- HARD CORE!  

I was sick all this week.  Needless to say all my goals for the week were shot to h-e-double hockey sticks.  I plan on getting back on track this coming week.  I have to get 5 days of cardio in from now on.  It's a must- between that and my diet there's no other way for me to get these pounds off.  I've been pussy-footing around for long enough.  I am not happy with where I am.  Hard core Heather has got to get back on her game.

Setting up to restart the training after a week off and reading my Fighter Diet info this weekend to plan out and prep my food come Monday.  I will be back to being productive.  I feel better overall due to lack of work stress (yay!) so now I have to get productive again in my personal life.  I will get this all going in the right direction!! :)

Slowly black out

I have inadvertently been doing a low carb diet.  Well, I shouldn't say inadvertently- I was doing it on purpose but more in the aspect of reigning in my eating.  This has always worked for me in the past- I really watch my carbs (in the sense of pasta, rice, bread, crackers), always having one meal with none.  The days that I train I try to really beef up my amount of food and liquid because of it being in a warehouse I know it's extra stress on my body.

Last Friday I hit a brick wall of sorts.  I have been feeling very out of it that whole week - exhausted, all I was doing was sleeping in between times of running errands/eating.  One night I slept 10.5 hours and was still ready for more sleep after breakfast.  I actually did nap for about 30 mins before work.  It's ridiculous!  Well it was at it's absolute worst Friday.  I was training with Alpha- who even said when I walked in he could tell I was only there because I had to be (not good!)- and I was lightheaded/dizzy which was usual for the week.  I just made sure to go slow and steady and take water breaks.  It was really bad that I wasn't sure I'd be ok for work after- I was scared of the drive home after my shift.  I had already had a scare earlier in the week- I was not in the mood to tempt fate.  I tried my hardest to get my shift covered...to no avail.  I tried to finish my session but I looked at Alpha and was like I gotta stop.  Right then and there it took all that I had not to cry.  I was in that exhausted state where you just want to collapse and cry for no reason.  Not long after I said stop I started slightly seeing dark spots, getting shakey and my leg started bouncing (which if anyone watches me enough is my tell of when I'm at my max in anything).  We recounted what I ate that day and he said I was way too low on carbs and mixing that with my exhaustion I was really coming close to messing up my body.  He was nice enough to give me some of his liquid carb supplement (mixed it into my water- which side note: they lie when they say there is not a taste- there is and it is not good).  It was perfect, quick raise in my glucose.  It wasn't until I was more stable before he would let me leave.

Although through this debacle I had one of the best conversations:

Alpha: You want to move to the front? By the fan?
Me: No- can't really get up
Alpha: Want me to carry you?
Me: Really I'm ok, both of us don't need to be broken
Alpha: I'm a big boy I can handle it

And no- he did not carry me. We may revisit that once I'm smaller :P

So I've spent this weekend trying to keep up with my food- if only to keep eating every 2-3 hours so as not to completely screw myself again.  The exhaustion is still there unfortunately so I've been trying various energy drinks to keep me up enough to keep me out of trouble behind the wheel and at work.

I am very excited - my vitamins finally came!  I have been waiting for a while but with recent events I was super anxious for them.  I took just one today (supposed to take 3 tabs/day) to ease in as I can be sensitive to vitamins.  Seemed to work well at first (may spread the 3 out through the day- at meals so I keep the flow).  Come 1:45am crashing hard.  I was eh on my way to work at 7pm and was drinking my Monster which helped combat it for a while but now it's getting harder.

HIT Supplements

I'm excited- they are made for women who exercise & train.  I feel like Alpha trains me harder than I have trained in the past.  If only for the fact that he seems to have more exercises that he can think of in his arsenal for days that something hurts.  I loved my other trainer- he was great, effective but I think like everything in life: you grow, you change and require different things.  I am determined to show the first trainer that I can get this done- as long as you believe in me, and not ditch when I plateau- it can get done.  I feel like this is my time.  This time I will stick with it and things will change.  I enjoy working out more than ever this round.  Before I enjoyed it more in the social aspect than the exercise.  Now, I still enjoy the social aspect but I am more excited about the gains I am seeing in my weights that I lift and work with.

Tomorrow- or today is another session with Alpha.  I will be increasing my vitamins to 2 tomorrow since there was no nauseous feeling today, eating more- even if that means waking up to eat just to go back to sleep until time to go.  Ready to get this exhaustion under control!

What are your goals for Monday to make it a better week than last week?