Sporadic update

As I sit down to update, there's a wave of depression sadness that hits me.  I think it's all the stress/anxiety/struggle I've had recently.  I just feel very defeated and stuck. I know this feeling will pass but I hate when they hit....so I try to focus on things I do have control over.

I just [reluctantly] put in my notice at the Emergency Clinic that I work at.  School starts next month (ahh!) and I just can't do 2 jobs, school and working on me.  I know it is for the best- I may even be able to go back at some point.  This time being a technician :D

Since I am starting to work on my priorities (i.e. school over 2 jobs, working out over focusing on work), I am already starting to hit resistance again.  I went through this the first time I focused on me.  I thought that since they saw that I lost weight and was doing good that I wouldn't encounter it during the second round.  Boy was I WRONG.
The only person I have on my side (in my house) is my sister and even she isn't 100%.  No one can see why I spend so much on gyms/trainers/etc.  It's hard to explain....sometimes.  I am not an uber motivated person.  So when I find a place or person that motivates me/gets me excited to go I cling to that.  They usually understand why I'm putting myself first and focusing on me.  I am 31 years old and I have had way more things in my life that have affected by body then I should have.  Which I am fine with but given that I am getting older and my calling in life is very physically demanding-  I need to get myself back in check.  My job was much easier when I was much more fit.

In that voice- I am sad to say I will be cancelling my OrangeTheory membership.  As much as I do love it- it doesn't challenge me the way I like.  I like lifting weights, being physically challenged but not just in the generic cardio sense (treadmills).  I have gotten myself a Groupon for Title Boxing.  They are a gym that does boxing & kickboxing, as well as personal training with weights.  I am every excited and nervous.  I am not in the shape I used to be, but I know this will kick my butt and I will love it.  The Groupon I acquired gets me wraps and gloves (YAY!).  A friend of mine goes there and swears by it.  I'm just excited because I love to hit things. ;)
I did 1 or 2 sessions of boxing WAY back when I very first had a personal trainer.  It was so much fun...my whole body was sore and the time flew by.  I just need something that gets me excited.  I am going to sign up for my first class either next Wednesday or next weekend. I will make a note in my phone to update with how that goes.  :)

I'm ready for the inside me to match the outside me.

I have been done pretty good if I do say so myself in the area of tracking food, and I have definitely increased my water in take.  I will be taking a few more baby steps this weekend to be even more prepared then I have in the past.  I am down half a pound.  Not a tremendous drop but a drop none-the-less.  I really need to get moving...read the above, that will be fixed soon enough. :D

The love of my life...my Wiggle-Butt gave me quite a scare this weekend.  I have been watching his liver levels for quite some time.  The boy does have quite an array of issues and recently I've had to increase meds that do affect the liver.  This time we pulled his blood and once we spun it down to be sent to the lab, his serum looked yellow.  Now for those of you not in the animal field, or have any friends/family in there- yellow serum is a very strong indication of liver failure/issues.
So I spent Friday night....ok we're all friends here, I spent my weekend curled up, loving on my boy and some tears were shed.  Come Monday, results are 100% perfect.  In fact the boy has never had more perfect levels.  I don't know how it happened but I'm definitely not going to argue.

I get nervous when it comes to my boy.  He's now 7 (will be 8 in Dec), and is technically geriatric. :'(  My other sheepie I had growing up had to leave me at the age of 9 [his age].  He had a spinal tumor.  Now my Wiggle-Butt doesn't have a tumor but he's got a myriad of other issues- including degenerative joint disease, hip dysplasia, degenerative disc disease, spondylosis.  So more than likely his hips/back will be his undoing.  Anywho- I get nervous because I'd like this one to get to double digits.  Yes, I am an over worrier....any wonder I am in the field I'm in.

Riley | aka Wiggle-Butt |

Animals are my life.  I have also grown to accept that not everyone is like me, and I will be met with resistance.  I just never thought it'd be my family- who is supposed to support me. Yes, I am weird and following my happiness to work with animals- regardless of what my paycheck will be.  As much as I'd love to get a job I don't totally love and probably more financially stable, it's not in my cards.  I am at my best with animals.

I do wonder what it's like when you are actually surrounded by people who feel the way you do about your job/career.  The only job I've found that 100% in is at my Emergency Clinic.

Do you have a job that you love and no one in your circle gets it?  Or are you surrounded by people who get it and encourage you to go and excel?

Disappointment and anixety abound

In the month since my last post I did not have as much success as I would have liked.

I did go down a pound and a half in one week just to go up 4 the next....and another half pound following that. Needless to say I am quite nervous to weigh in on Monday.  I am however going to be more diligent in the changes that I say I'm going to do.

I'm very tired of being a person who says and doesn't follow through.  Now, no one knows about the lack of follow through......but I do!  I do not want to continue this way.  I'm done back sliding.  I have ordered my vitamins, one being a Green Coffee supplement. I know it's an aide that I don't necessarily need but I need it more for my morale then anything else.  I need to see the numbers on the scale go down.  I may have gone up in my weight but it's not falling off like it did before- I am not the same person I was before.
I've already lost the weight- 2nd time around is going to be a lot harder.  Not to mention I am older.  I will not let this be an excuse, nor will I let my knee slow me down (any more).  I also ordered a joint supplement- that should, once loaded, will help with the swelling and pain.
Food is going to be my focus for Fri, Sat and Sun.  Sunday I will be starting fresh in the exercise dept.  I walked with a good friend of mine that I haven't seen in about 4 months last night.  We walked, total = ~3 miles/a 5k.  We walked about a mile and a half to the restaurant and then walked that back to her house.  I was excited- got in 11,000 steps that day and walked 5 miles total for the day.

I love having the FitBit. It definitely encourages me in my step taking.  I kind of feel bad on the days that I just veg out and relax- very small amount of steps.  This will be another goal in the tweaking of exercise- getting in at least a mile a day of walking.  Even if it's just around my neighborhood.  I have to make it a priority like I once did.  I know it will exhaust me with everything else I have going on but I will be happier. 

Having control over something is very much needed right now.  My job has been quite stressful- I need to get out of the small office atmosphere.  I need actual bosses who are just that.  Someone who is a boss and does just that.  NOT someone who is a boss on top of their other job.  I don't like having someone who cannot separate being a coworker from being a boss.  It gets too messy!!!  I've only had one boss that was really good at that.  I miss having her as my boss....everyday.

Needless to say, the weight and work are making my anxiety go into overload.  The hope is that come next update I will have good news.  Stress should hopefully be down (new job even? maybe? hopefully?) and so should the anxiety.....and the weight. ;)

And my friend added this: Nope sorry I believe this is missing an extra few choice words you'd say with it

 



Gearing Up for a Fight



Today I was blessed enough to have the day off from work.  I will be using the day to get set up for a successful week.  I will be food prepping.  I will also be planning my workouts. 

 

I have joined a new gym.  I was quite hesitant in even going in for the free class...group training really isn't my thing.  I actually kind of love it!  An hour workout where you wear a HR monitor and go into different zones- interval training.  Apparently it's like HIIT classes.  My first class I burned 544 calories....and then the next day my body was destroyed, and sore all over.  I felt fantastic!!

 

Little looksie at OrangeTheory Fitness

 

 

I will be starting off this week right- hitting OrangeTheory twice a week and then doing cardio/walking at home after work (at least 30mins).  Then I'll have my food planned out.  I am revving myself up.  I have to get my rear in gear- a good friend of mine is coming down in March.  She wants to meet up to work out.  I have to have a bit better stamina and be in better shape, as last time we worked out it was disgusting.

 

So I weighed in today.  I am at 221.5# -  goal for February is to be down at least 5-10#.  This, if not more, is definitely doable as long as I stick to my guns....and get my willpower back up to where it was.

 

I look forward to checking back in!