Disappointment and anixety abound

In the month since my last post I did not have as much success as I would have liked.

I did go down a pound and a half in one week just to go up 4 the next....and another half pound following that. Needless to say I am quite nervous to weigh in on Monday.  I am however going to be more diligent in the changes that I say I'm going to do.

I'm very tired of being a person who says and doesn't follow through.  Now, no one knows about the lack of follow through......but I do!  I do not want to continue this way.  I'm done back sliding.  I have ordered my vitamins, one being a Green Coffee supplement. I know it's an aide that I don't necessarily need but I need it more for my morale then anything else.  I need to see the numbers on the scale go down.  I may have gone up in my weight but it's not falling off like it did before- I am not the same person I was before.
I've already lost the weight- 2nd time around is going to be a lot harder.  Not to mention I am older.  I will not let this be an excuse, nor will I let my knee slow me down (any more).  I also ordered a joint supplement- that should, once loaded, will help with the swelling and pain.
Food is going to be my focus for Fri, Sat and Sun.  Sunday I will be starting fresh in the exercise dept.  I walked with a good friend of mine that I haven't seen in about 4 months last night.  We walked, total = ~3 miles/a 5k.  We walked about a mile and a half to the restaurant and then walked that back to her house.  I was excited- got in 11,000 steps that day and walked 5 miles total for the day.

I love having the FitBit. It definitely encourages me in my step taking.  I kind of feel bad on the days that I just veg out and relax- very small amount of steps.  This will be another goal in the tweaking of exercise- getting in at least a mile a day of walking.  Even if it's just around my neighborhood.  I have to make it a priority like I once did.  I know it will exhaust me with everything else I have going on but I will be happier. 

Having control over something is very much needed right now.  My job has been quite stressful- I need to get out of the small office atmosphere.  I need actual bosses who are just that.  Someone who is a boss and does just that.  NOT someone who is a boss on top of their other job.  I don't like having someone who cannot separate being a coworker from being a boss.  It gets too messy!!!  I've only had one boss that was really good at that.  I miss having her as my boss....everyday.

Needless to say, the weight and work are making my anxiety go into overload.  The hope is that come next update I will have good news.  Stress should hopefully be down (new job even? maybe? hopefully?) and so should the anxiety.....and the weight. ;)

And my friend added this: Nope sorry I believe this is missing an extra few choice words you'd say with it

 



Gearing Up for a Fight



Today I was blessed enough to have the day off from work.  I will be using the day to get set up for a successful week.  I will be food prepping.  I will also be planning my workouts. 

 

I have joined a new gym.  I was quite hesitant in even going in for the free class...group training really isn't my thing.  I actually kind of love it!  An hour workout where you wear a HR monitor and go into different zones- interval training.  Apparently it's like HIIT classes.  My first class I burned 544 calories....and then the next day my body was destroyed, and sore all over.  I felt fantastic!!

 

Little looksie at OrangeTheory Fitness

 

 

I will be starting off this week right- hitting OrangeTheory twice a week and then doing cardio/walking at home after work (at least 30mins).  Then I'll have my food planned out.  I am revving myself up.  I have to get my rear in gear- a good friend of mine is coming down in March.  She wants to meet up to work out.  I have to have a bit better stamina and be in better shape, as last time we worked out it was disgusting.

 

So I weighed in today.  I am at 221.5# -  goal for February is to be down at least 5-10#.  This, if not more, is definitely doable as long as I stick to my guns....and get my willpower back up to where it was.

 

I look forward to checking back in!

My birth month has arrived!

Here's a quickie just to keep my rhythm.  We are in October....October the month of my birth...we are on October 6th- this gives me 24 days to lose 15#.  I need to get my butt in gear- HARD CORE!  

I was sick all this week.  Needless to say all my goals for the week were shot to h-e-double hockey sticks.  I plan on getting back on track this coming week.  I have to get 5 days of cardio in from now on.  It's a must- between that and my diet there's no other way for me to get these pounds off.  I've been pussy-footing around for long enough.  I am not happy with where I am.  Hard core Heather has got to get back on her game.

Setting up to restart the training after a week off and reading my Fighter Diet info this weekend to plan out and prep my food come Monday.  I will be back to being productive.  I feel better overall due to lack of work stress (yay!) so now I have to get productive again in my personal life.  I will get this all going in the right direction!! :)

Over a month....

I've been a bit MIA again- still no real computer.  Hoping something cheap comes up for sale soon.  I'd love to not have to rely on my iPhone to check my emails and not having a computer to update this is a big deterrent as well.  Now that I have 2 jobs (2 paychecks) hopefully I'll get everything back on track and can look at getting something new.

I just recently wrote a guest post for my friend Kelly over at Living the Before. When I looked at how she put the post together it came crashing back to me- I need to get my head in the game big time.  I was talking with the BFF and it's one thing to know something but when someone says it out loud (or texting it to you) it can come crashing into your face.  I had lost 70# at my lightest/hard body point...so very close to 100# (that is the part that kinda stung).  I will do it...it just seems like it's hard for me to get back that "hard core" girl that I was when I started this journey.  I know it will happen.  My mini goal is to be in one-derland by my birthday, Oct. 30.  This is very doable.  It's only 15#...this shouldn't be this hard!

When I go to the gym I work my butt off.  I know my diet isn't on point though- which is like 70-80% of the process.  I know with dropping down my hours at the emergency clinic and getting a day practice job I'll be able to have more control.  Control is the wrong word, I always have control- it's just that working nights/overnights it's caffine and carbs that keep me going.  That needs to stop.  I need to stop choosing sleep over food and eat properly.  This new job definitely is okay with that- these people snack all day long.  They are a very relaxed office.  I love them!

I was super excited I got to use this machine the correct way :)

Once I get my finances situated I will be putting some funds aside for food shopping.  I have slacked in that area due to tight paychecks...bills take precedence over food.  I say this because I do live with family- so they buy food, but it's not conducive to me losing weight.  I also need to invest in a good lunchbox...something that I can keep my food with me at work and not have to run to the fridge every 2-3 hours.

I am very excited about this new schedule.  I have set up with Alpha to be training M/W/F every week.  I need to have that set time...gives me accountability because I may have a deal going with him but it's not necessarily cheap.  I can't be wasting my money on training and have my food not be on point.

Hopefully I'll get better at updating this thing...I'll make it a goal for Sept.  Maybe I'll even do another guest post once I hit one-derland. :)

My kickass shirt I bought to motivate myself

(Alpha loves it lol)

**hoping the pictures actually stay up this round**

Ok...Let's do this!

This is the first post, hopefully, of many.

I started this because originally I had a fitness and nutrition page on FB- didn't really help me to keep track of my food/exercise and was only minimally effective in getting feed back and motivation.  I viewed it more as a chore than anything.  Not really how you want to view something you intend to keep up with...just like exercise and eating healthy.  I believe it shouldn't be a chore to keep it up.  I should WANT to do it, get excited even.  This is not always the case for me.

Ever start and stop something a million times? Each time swearing that this is going to be the last time you start it- you will continue and make it through to your goal.  You are going to rock it like it's never been before.  This is me...only I have yet to making it to, rocking the goal like it's never been before.  I've come insanely close one time, but then life got in the way and knocked me slightly off track.  Well, then I let it continue to go off track and apparently was oblivious to the snowball the size of Montana that was rolling.

"What is this snowball the size of Montana?", you may ask.  That would be the ever growing epidemic of obesity/weight.  I have had a lot of things happen in my life the last, let's say, 8 years.  I wasn't always a chunky kid- I was quite tiny.  The nickname Olive Oil was heard a lot in my childhood.  It wasn't until that pesky time of puberty came.  I ballooned up- the weight came on inexplicably fast, along with the glasses (I'm surprised I haven't been told I'm legally blind), and of course the zits (what is puberty without those?!).  Still I was active- mom had me in ballet, tap, jazz.  Which random side note- parents: do NOT force your children to do dance if they are uncomfortable in spandex...especially if they are the chubby kid (commence mocking of said child). 

Anywho- we'll jump forward to my early 20's.  I was in a very bad car accident.  We're talking- in the hospital off and on for 6 months, had what seemed like a million CAT scans and MRI's, along with 2-4 surgeries.  Oh! I also lost all dignity- you have none when they are looking at you from every angle possible.  God has blessed me with a plate & screws in my left knee and my right wrist, I also have a rod in my left leg that runs from my knee to my hip.  The last major surgery was a bowl resection.  The other surgery or 2 was minor.  Yes I do look at this car accident as a blessing.  How you may say? Easy- it showed me that the road I was going down wasn't a good one (no pun intended but kinda cool it came about).  So I changed some of my ways- which always comes with the losing of friends you thought would be there.  Whatever- I've never been one to have tons of friends, but I have a small group of really good friends. :)

From the 6 months in the hospital I dropped weight like woah! I went from 220# to 160#.  To quote my sister- "you looked like a sick bobble head".  It was true- I was super skinny but it was a sick skinny.  So bobbly me was also stuck walking with a walker/cane due to injuries.  This leads me to wear I am as low as I have ever been in weight...literally can't remember when I was that small...and takes me up to my highest I've ever been.  Imagine you can't eat anything for 6 months then you are finally able to eat.  Yep- I can tell you, you will eat anything and everything under the sun that doesn't make you sick.  I went from 160# all the way up to 250#.  I started at a gym to work on my knee/leg and also to work on the weight issue. 

I learned the hard way, about a year or more, that you can't just do one or the other:
 
Working out + eating crap = holding weight    Eating right + not working out = holding weight

Apparently you have to eat right AND work out for this weight loss thing to work- imagine that!  So I finally got sick of the weight and my knee not getting any stablilty/flexibilty back (could be cause I have no clue what I was doing in a gym with machines) - I used a portion of my settlement monies from the car accident to get myself a personal trainer.  This was perfect- someone to hold me accountable and help me with food, worked great in getting my knee back in shape, and in me doing this it got my friend to get on board to help keep me accountable (bonus for her she got her butt in shape too!).  This was fantastic- I was seeing great results.  I was even able to at one point leg press my old weight of 220#.  I went from 250# all the way down to 175# the healthy way.  No more sickly bobble head!

As I stated earlier- life got in the way, I got comfortable because I had such a large gap between the danger zone of 200 and where I was.  This now brings us to where I'm at now...into the danger zone at 216#.  Not good!  I feel like I've lost all my skills.  I know what I need to do food-wise.  It's almost like I don't know how to find them and use them again.  I started and stopped multiple times- got a gym membership at Planet Fitness that wasn't worth the cost each month for how much I did NOT use it. 

Dropped that and went to my old trainer and asked for help.  He gave me the name of a guy and I'm back at training again.  Love the guy I'm [training] with now.  It's a very slow process of getting food back on track but it is my goal this year (talking May 2013- May 2014) to get down to 140# and be done with this stop/start BS.  When I'm in the swing of things I feel great and I love how I look.  I want to see how much I will love myself at 140# :P

This journal/blog/whatever you want to call it, is my final journaling attempt at my progress.  There is only so much more I can do this before it becomes self evident that it's not going to happen.  I'm 30- turning 31 in Oct.  I want to be done working for this.  I want to be at my maintenance level.  Thank you for joining me on this adventure....if anyone's even reading this. :)