Meant Well Still Hurts

So this past week or so has been a little challenging in the health department.  My motivation has not been challenging- I'm getting frustrated, but working on a game plan.  Planning for a full week ends up being to daunting, particularly in my household.  So if I can just plan for the weekend and then spurts of days from there, the hope is that it will yield better success then partially planning for a full week.

Goals for the upcoming week:

1. FitBit is set for 7,000 steps as my goal each day...hit that goal every day!
2. Orange Theory twice a week
3. Drink at least 24oz of water a day

Even though they are small goals...they are mountain-like for me.

My stress level has been a little high lately.... mainly due to school.  I have decided to go back to school to get my BA in Veterinary Technology.  Short term view this will allow me to be a Vet Tech and use my knowledge that makes me too experienced for reception work to better use.  So now I am dealing with FAFSA and [trying to] obtain(ing) a student loan.  Now that I'm an adult and have debt, I'm working on fixing my credit score- it makes it harder.  I have Summer term registration coming up next week so I'd really like to know about FAFSA soon....so I know if I have to find a way to get a loan.
My dad has known about this for some time.  I have now had 2 conversations regarding my career of choice.  The first one was expected and decent- asking what this would mean for me in my job and such.  This conversation was not bothersome as no one really gets my passion for animals, or my job in general.  So explaining is something I'm used to.  The second conversation we had was a bit more harsh.  It was a very selfish "keeping up with the Jones'" conversation.  The statement that sticks out in my head is, "you'll never even come close to $45,000" {salary}.  The only response I could give was this:  But I'll be happy.
I understand his concern but at the same time, he is also the one who has always told me to go for what makes me happy.  Money doesn't buy happiness.  I am well aware, and have accepted that my job doesn't get me a lot of money.  Especially in this God-forsaken state.  This degree would open up a lot of doors for me...doors that I care about.



 

Maybe my career will get me closer to him (Ian Somerhalder)

I would love to work for an animal rescue, sanctuary, etc.  This degree would be my in, my experience.  Animals are my passion and have accepted my oddness in my circle of friends/family.  I do however get tired of explaining myself over and over again to my family.  The only one who gets it but doesn't get it is my sister.  She doesn't have a passion but she gets mine.  She doesn't question it and has accepted that I'm a little "crazy" or "obsessive" when it comes to my pets, or animals in general.

Ian Somerhalder is an inspiration of sorts to me.  He is all about going Green, helping the environment, and animals.  He's been given awards by the Human Society for his work.  Then we throw in the fact that he's just gorgeous- what's not to love. :)  He's taking his stardom and challenging people to change the world for the better.  He's got his own foundation that is doing great things.  Among many projects, one they are working on is to set up animal sanctuary...Let's be the fit for the misfits! 

 

 

Taking control over what little things I do have control over is what will bring me my sanity.  That's what I'm hoping anyway.  Or even just keep me oblivious to the chaos around me.  Last time I focused on me (100%), I lost my weight and didn't have as much anxiety/stress regarding things surrounding me.  I need to get back in that mindset - that is the only thing that can save me now.  Otherwise I may just eat my stress all the way to 300# at the rate I'm going.  Thankfully no huge jumps on the sale numbers but they're going up and not down.

Also if I'm going to be flying solo- such is my social life given my 2 jobs, I should at least be comfortable in my own skin.  Right now I'm not comfortable in my own skin and I am letting my stress and anxiety have control, which means there is not a whole lot of restraint  self control going on- that needs to change ASAP.  I can't expect to draw people/guys in when I'm not comfortable with myself/how I look.  How can I expect to land the man of my dreams (aka Mr. Somerhalder) when I'm not in control of myself?!

 

Meeting this man is #1 on my Bucket List

Here's hoping that the next entry has some better news on the personal front.  I mean this entry couldn't get any better given the man main topic of my ranting. ;)





Disappointment and anixety abound

In the month since my last post I did not have as much success as I would have liked.

I did go down a pound and a half in one week just to go up 4 the next....and another half pound following that. Needless to say I am quite nervous to weigh in on Monday.  I am however going to be more diligent in the changes that I say I'm going to do.

I'm very tired of being a person who says and doesn't follow through.  Now, no one knows about the lack of follow through......but I do!  I do not want to continue this way.  I'm done back sliding.  I have ordered my vitamins, one being a Green Coffee supplement. I know it's an aide that I don't necessarily need but I need it more for my morale then anything else.  I need to see the numbers on the scale go down.  I may have gone up in my weight but it's not falling off like it did before- I am not the same person I was before.
I've already lost the weight- 2nd time around is going to be a lot harder.  Not to mention I am older.  I will not let this be an excuse, nor will I let my knee slow me down (any more).  I also ordered a joint supplement- that should, once loaded, will help with the swelling and pain.
Food is going to be my focus for Fri, Sat and Sun.  Sunday I will be starting fresh in the exercise dept.  I walked with a good friend of mine that I haven't seen in about 4 months last night.  We walked, total = ~3 miles/a 5k.  We walked about a mile and a half to the restaurant and then walked that back to her house.  I was excited- got in 11,000 steps that day and walked 5 miles total for the day.

I love having the FitBit. It definitely encourages me in my step taking.  I kind of feel bad on the days that I just veg out and relax- very small amount of steps.  This will be another goal in the tweaking of exercise- getting in at least a mile a day of walking.  Even if it's just around my neighborhood.  I have to make it a priority like I once did.  I know it will exhaust me with everything else I have going on but I will be happier. 

Having control over something is very much needed right now.  My job has been quite stressful- I need to get out of the small office atmosphere.  I need actual bosses who are just that.  Someone who is a boss and does just that.  NOT someone who is a boss on top of their other job.  I don't like having someone who cannot separate being a coworker from being a boss.  It gets too messy!!!  I've only had one boss that was really good at that.  I miss having her as my boss....everyday.

Needless to say, the weight and work are making my anxiety go into overload.  The hope is that come next update I will have good news.  Stress should hopefully be down (new job even? maybe? hopefully?) and so should the anxiety.....and the weight. ;)

And my friend added this: Nope sorry I believe this is missing an extra few choice words you'd say with it

 



Should I stay or should I go?????

Things have been on a bit of a rollercoaster...at least mentally.
Going to break this up into 2 little updates....

Work:  My emergency clinic is definitely putting a lot of stress on my body, and my mind.  It is getting a little better but my schedule isn't.  The only thing I can slightly hope for is in mid-August when preggers returns it'll get a little easier and I can get my bearings.  Right now I work from 6pm-1am on Wed & Fri, and then I have an overnight weekend 8-8 Sat & Sun.  This officially sucks (even my coworkers thinks so!).  The stinky schedule along with the stinky coworkers isn't making me want to stay employed here.  Not to mention I'm over not having money...for anything....and not advancing.  At least if I was making crap $ and had a shot at advancing, I'll deal with it but it's a very slow motion going on here.  I don't feel like I'm learning- and the technicians I do have on my side agree.  Since they moved me clinics every thing is wrong, but it's not as bad at other clinics.  I just wish they'd move me.  I'm hoping that it will be coming sooner rather than later.

However, I am still beefing up my resume so I can apply at some places.  Maybe get something where I get benefits again.  I really miss my insurance.  As much as I love my job- maybe relief is all I can do right now.  Getting a job where I can get out of debt and work towards going back to school- then maybe actually come back and be able to be used as reception and tech (not getting any flack- one can only hope).  Sidenote: I decided that I want to be a technician a little while ago.  I don't have my full degree anyway, I only have my AA.  I just want to finish school and be set in a direction.  I really do love my work- I also like working with team player people who want to help you grow (imagine that!).  For right now I don't think that it's in my cards to be here full time- although I'm not ruling out this place all together.  If I can find a Mon-Fri job and work my Wed & Fri/Sat I'd be happy.

Health: So things have been going slow and steady in the work out department.  I feel like I'm losing fat in areas, but also gaining muscle at the same time.  I have only lost 2 pounds so far but I see slight physical changes.  I love my gym and my trainer - and I've never been able to say that before.  Yeah, I like my gym (eh, it's a gym) and my trainer's cool.  This time I really love my gym.  I recommend them to anyone in the Orlando area.

http://fitnessfit4u.com/
(haven't figured out how to make the picture the link)

They discuss nutrition with you, they have group training, personal training (everyone is fantastic & knowledgable...especially Alpha), and they even offer food delivery for those that are on a time crunch or don't want to have to think about eating right.  I am very tempted by this and would love to do this- see first section for restrictions.  I get excited when I have the gym in the agenda!  It used to be excitement just for social reasons- personable trainer, training with the BFF. 




Ariel Yoga!



Now it's excitement because that's MY time.  I get to destress and push my body (in a good way when food is right, and not in the sick way that makes me hit the floor).  I know I say it every entry, and I'll keep saying- the gains on my weights get me excited.  I love seeing that on the machine I'm now curling with 100 pounds!  I'm over 50 on all other machine exercises.  I got put on this god-awful machine last session - it's mainly god-awful because I have to use it backwards because of my knee.  At my last set or 2 I was able to have him add 10 pounds onto the machine without dying!  I was so proud of myself- and have the bruises on my shoulders to prove it! :)  And because I'm in a picture-y type mood, here's the machine:

Just picture a person standing on this thing backwards- face inward towards the mat, in squat form so the shoulder section is on your shoulder and your squatting slanted into the machine.  Let's just say it's awkward...just about as awkward as the 6-foot something man showing you how he wants you positioned in the machine.

What gets you excited about working out?  What keeps you entertained enough to keep going and to come back another day for more!?