Gearing up

One thing- how the frig do I get pictures to actually show up on this thing!?!?!?  I have tried various ways of doing pictures and they won't stay up.  If anyone knows- please share with me!

Now, that that annoyance has been vented about...on to the good stuff. 

I am signing up as I type to be an Advocare distributor.  I signed up basically for the $50 of free Spark and Slam...also the 20% discount you get as a distributor.  I don't really have anyone to sell to but hey- I'm all about the discount.  If anyone's interested in products or whatnot, let a girl know. :)

In doing this I am amping up to get my booty in gear.  I got 15# to drop in about a month.  This is totally doable if I were to do the 24-day challenge that Advocare has.  It starts days 1-10 with a cleanse and then maintenance...not sure I want to spend the $175 to do that.  I can probably just buy the bits and pieces I want and go from there.  Nervous about doing the cleanse again...last time I did that it was almost disturbing how much I was sweating from detoxing.  I know it'll be like that again with the backsliding that has occurred.  As I type this I think I'm talking myself into it. :)

This week was the first week of me having a regular schedule again.  I love it!  It's going to be great once I get in the swing of things.  I know my job pretty well but there are still some things that are being learned as they come up.  The only thing is the lovely monthly visitor has gotten my food all jacked up.  I can never be too hard core during that week.  My body literally rejects the good food.  Next week though- it's on!

I'm going to be food prepping Monday (that's my only day off).  This will include food shopping for the next 2 weeks.  I'm going to try to budget for 2 weeks worth of food in my paychecks.  No excuses!  I can't have excuses to do this.  I didn't make excuses the first round and I was almost down 100#.  I hate the struggle- I know it is part of the journey.  To an extent anyway. ;)

I am excited for all of this- ready to get into a good routine.  I need to get some sanity back in my life.

If you keep up with me long enough you will learn I love Old English Sheepdogs.  I have one named Riley (who is my first fur baby).  I had a sheepie growing up- Prince.  They are as different as night and day.  Anywho- this will be coming this weekend hopefully. :D
One final attempt at a picture:

"the paw - the head - the wiggle butt"

 

M.I.A.

I have been MIA due to laziness, exhaustion and being constantly going.

Things are going a bit better in regards to work but I think that is also because I'm being relocated.  Come August I will be at the busiest clinic and see how I do.  I think I'll do just fine because I tend to do better when I'm busy- less time to second guess myself.  I will also be with people who are more willing to help and teach- which is what I need.  When I came to this slow/dead clinic they really messed with my head and what I already thought I knew- they operate completely different.

Working out is still going.  I love training with Alpha!  The only thing I need to work on is my happy face.  He told me the other day I need to stop with the rolling of the eyes.  I don't mean to!  I was thinking about it since he told me that- I think a part of it is my frustration and anger with not just being over weight but also being "handicapped".  Example: I was doing leg extensions on the machine and I was pushing myself (as per usual) but this last set I was pushing a little harder and I hadn't done that in quite a while.  I almost brought myself to tears- I had to get myself in check real quick.  Apparently I didn't do that great of a job because Alpha texted me the next day checking on me, "you looked a little more bothered than usual".

It's true, a good portion of me hates to work out but I think the part of me that enjoys it would take over more if it wasn't a fight at every point.  I know it will be worth it and (Lord willing) will not be this way forever but right now I am struggling, mentally, more than I thought I was.  Part of me knows, it is my own fault in the weight department.  That isn't necessarily the problem where I get upset.  It's the part I have no control over. 

I never had a real down point in regards to my accident and what long term affects I would have.  I know the arthritis- that's slightly whatever.  I say that but I was just cursing myself out today on the drive into work.  It's rainy and humid and my wrist and hip/back were killing me.  My whole body was aching something fierce.  I can't even slack off like a regular person!  When I slack off yes I gain weight but so much more happens.  My joints get extremely stiff and it becomes increasingly harder for me to squat down, to lift things, to walk/run/move quickly, walk decent to long distances.  I was so focused on not taking meds (back story: when I did have down days in the hospital my mom would talk to the doctor and they'd try to get me on anti-depressants.  I did not need meds I just needed to full out mentally deal).  Then when I got released it was keeping up appearances for my mom because she was so dramatic and focused on herself- I didn't want to be a bigger problem.

Lately I have just felt like I need a good cry.  Everything I've watched/read has had me wanting to cry if it is even slightly emotional.  I need to get it out- start fresh on Monday.  I need to be more positive or at least less whiney when I'm working out/training.  I need to not be that kind of pain in the @$$ with Alpha.  I may have a great personality but after so much it's not going to help.  :)

It also hasn't helped that I haven't changed at all scale wise.  The increases in my weight lifted/used is great and was keeping me on a high for a bit.  Now I'm at the point that I'm going to be the strongest fat person he's trained.  We're going to try to tweak some things and I have my vitamins and supplements on board so I'm hoping once I get the food tweaked and my new cardio homework for the days I'm not training (Alpha is making up some routines for me that I can do anywhere) I will see something.  At this point I will take anything.  Whether I eat good or I eat bad- the scale doesn't move!

This also is me- I am always dripping and gross and no scale difference!! Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe me with this round of getting healthy.  Although a nice pick me up was when Alpha says to me the other day- "you always surprise me with how strong you are- how much weight you use". 
I need to add that to my book of good feelings. Yes, I'm a nerd and I keep a little notebook of funny/cute/nice things said to me or about me.  It's nice to look back on every now and then- even though some of them are from people who are no longer in my life.

I got nothing else to ramble about- hope anyone that's reading this has been having a less frustrating season than I have. :)

Super Summer Challenge, among other things

I have a friend that is doing this little challenge over the summer months, it ends August 31.  The goal is to work on your body as well as your mind.  I love this- this is definitely an area that goes hand in hand.

You have items, she starts you off with some and you can create others that are specific for you, that are put into point categories.  It's really helpful in keeping the eye on the prize....given that you have prizes (that you pick) for the half-way mark of 5,000 points and then a grand prize at 10,000 points.  My prizes are the following: 5,000- I am going to get a 2nd ear piercing (this is the hole I want to have a gaged/stretched- not huge, just a step or 2 up from a basic piercing) & 10,000- there is a pair of Asics sneakers that I've been eye balling and would be great for my workouts.

This may be a quick update- completely drained.  Tonight I had a session with Alpha- he kills me, I always feel great after my workouts.  It gives me a nice little boost when we have to increase the weights after the first set of just about every exercise.  I don't know what it is about this round of training, but it's different.  Not sure if it's me, the trainer, my body- I definitely feel different this round...in a good way.  I keep saying it - hopefully making a self-fulfilling prophecy- it's going to be the round/year that this gets done.

Today I took a look at my super summer challenge points lists- my mind points were really low, not too much down time mentally (need to work on that) and my body points were out of this world.  I need to find more balance.  Which some of those mind points include cleaning around the house- which I desperately need to do.  I need to declutter...I feel very claustrophobic in the house.  Too much junk.  I need to sell, donate, trash stuff.  Now if I just had the down time to do this.  I work nights...my coworker called us vampires- pretty fitting.  I find it very hard to get motivated during day time hours.

What are ways that you motivate yourself to get things done?  I give myself a little goal/prize.  Example: I get the room vacuumed, laundry started, and laundry put away I then get to make myself some popcorn and watch a movie.

I also am going to be starting a new Bible study- this will be something I listen to in the car, or if I have down time at home.  I am very excited.  I think this will definitely help me find some balance.  I miss being able to go to Bible study.  A group of friends are actually holding their own Bible study. 

I'm done- this update is all over the place, no real flow or topic.  I attempted but failed- too tired to focus.  Hopefully next update will have more of a flow or a topic to expand on.