The Never-ending Battle

Ok....so....I officially suck.  I am 10 days away from my birthday (the big 3-1 if you were wondering).  Which I am assured by a friend that 31 will be okay- he's making it to 32 alright. :)

Not only have I not lost the weight I wanted to- I think I went up a tad.  My muscles are getting stronger- which leads me to my next conundrum: am I having a hard time losing weight because of my habits/body changing or because I'm strengthening and working with weights?!?!?  

Forgive the tantrum I'm about to have.  I am very aware that I just have to reign in the crazy "Fat Monica".  I keep getting on this damn horse and falling off.  I know what it's like to ride the horse and it is glorious.  Now I just have to remember how to stay on the horse...how I did it in the past.  I know I let my will power dissolve but I know it's still in here somewhere.  I just wish I was done with this battle.  Food should not be something I'm think locked into.  It is something that I should just use as fuel and not be so wrapped up in it.

I have Sunday and Monday off- I will be prepping all food for the week.  When I am prepped and ready I do so much better and my will power is a bit stronger.  Then I will be putting a picture of me from when I was skinnier on my lock screen.  I just so desperately want to get the drive I had back!!

Other than this issue everything else is glorious.  The day practice is fantastic- love everyone, no stress.  Emergency practice is drama central but one day a week I can handle it.  Trainer #2 - Beta - makes me feel old with him being all of 22. :/  He's fun though- entertaining which is what I need when I'm training.  Anything to keep me occupied on something other than my body falling apart. 

Working so much has it's down falls- even though it helps my bills.  Like tonight- I missed a birthday gathering for my friend, which really sucks.  Making things a bit worse I'll be alone for my birthday weekend as my family is going out of town.  Not that I'm huge into birthdays- I'm used to just doing dinners but normally I have people.  Not this year.  I'm really hoping these things are not a precursor into the year I have coming for 31.  That would really be no bueno.

Enough whining and rambling on about nothing....until next update!