Ok....so....I officially suck. I am 10 days away from my birthday (the big 3-1 if you were wondering). Which I am assured by a friend that 31 will be okay- he's making it to 32 alright. :)
Not only have I not lost the weight I wanted to- I think I went up a tad. My muscles are getting stronger- which leads me to my next conundrum: am I having a hard time losing weight because of my habits/body changing or because I'm strengthening and working with weights?!?!?
Forgive the tantrum I'm about to have. I am very aware that I just have to reign in the crazy "Fat Monica". I keep getting on this damn horse and falling off. I know what it's like to ride the horse and it is glorious. Now I just have to remember how to stay on the horse...how I did it in the past. I know I let my will power dissolve but I know it's still in here somewhere. I just wish I was done with this battle. Food should not be something I'm think locked into. It is something that I should just use as fuel and not be so wrapped up in it.
I have Sunday and Monday off- I will be prepping all food for the week. When I am prepped and ready I do so much better and my will power is a bit stronger. Then I will be putting a picture of me from when I was skinnier on my lock screen. I just so desperately want to get the drive I had back!!
Other than this issue everything else is glorious. The day practice is fantastic- love everyone, no stress. Emergency practice is drama central but one day a week I can handle it. Trainer #2 - Beta - makes me feel old with him being all of 22. :/ He's fun though- entertaining which is what I need when I'm training. Anything to keep me occupied on something other than my body falling apart.
Working so much has it's down falls- even though it helps my bills. Like tonight- I missed a birthday gathering for my friend, which really sucks. Making things a bit worse I'll be alone for my birthday weekend as my family is going out of town. Not that I'm huge into birthdays- I'm used to just doing dinners but normally I have people. Not this year. I'm really hoping these things are not a precursor into the year I have coming for 31. That would really be no bueno.
Enough whining and rambling on about nothing....until next update!
